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"Worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum..."
You knew we'd get to this one eventually, didn't you?
This lost hit was a spoken word record that recites a commencement speech that might be delivered to a graduating class. I'm not sure if this speech ever was read at any graduations though. I didn't attend my high school graduation, so I don't know if it had any speeches like this. I didn't attend my 8th grade graduation either, because I was kicked out of the school a few days before it for getting in a fight which caused the school's precious drinking fountain to get dented. It was a good thing I got kicked out, because I hated that school so much and would have done anything to avoid even going to my own graduation.
I hated, hated, hated that school. My mom thought I was the victim of some grave injustice by being barred from the ceremony, but I thought it was a reward. The real injustice was having to go to this school at all.
The kid I got in a fight with had the brains of a rock, but I heard that he went on to attend a very prestigious high school for "academically talented" students. So obviously I didn't go to high school with him. He wasn't even punished for fighting with me, because his folks had money.
I probably should have gone to my high school graduation, but I had only gone to school there for a year. I don't have a senior photo either. But I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth, because many graduating seniors of 2020-22 were robbed of their graduation ceremonies. Society was ruled by people who had zero regard for special milestones in life.
This lost hit was a shoo-in to be included in this blog because the line about how "worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum" brings a hilarious image to mind. You could just imagine someone poring over an algebra book with a huge, pink bubble expanding from their piehole. This record was a hit at the same time we drove to southwestern Indiana and first heard Jordan Knight's ridiculous "Give It To You." I remember hearing Baz's track on the car radio and trying to avoid bursting into laughter over the line about bubble gum.
Also, 1999 wasn't exactly full of economic or social dynamism, so my memories of that year consist mostly of watching daytime TV and repeatedly seeing the Arm & Hammer toothpaste commercial where the guy's yellow teeth scare the woman away in the art gallery. I think that was also the year I threw up at Americana and their bear mascot cleaned it up. It may have also been the year a man dropped a hamburger on the floor at Wendy's and ate it, but I'm not sure.
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